wZandria - Keep Up With Me
Age 23 * Richmond, VA * full-time college student * part-time call center * love to read and write * skeptic * quiet * thinker * independent * VISIT MY PHOTO WEBSITE


wArchives:


-- HOME --



This page is powered by Blogger. Why isn't yours?
wThursday, January 30, 2003


SNOW -- GO AWAY, DON'T COME BACK ANOTHER DAY

Well I made it home before the weather got too bad. I don’t even know if it’s supposed to get worse but when it comes to snow I like to be safe. It started out with snow this morning and now its ice which of course can be even worse. I’m home earlier than normal this afternoon because I had a test in my last class (Spanish) and the teacher let us leave once we were done.

I wonder when it was that my thoughts about the weather began to change? When I was little I loved for it to snow. Virginia can get cold and gloomy, but compared to some other states we usually have pretty mild winter weather. I guess it all has to do with growing up…having to actually DRIVE in the snow…clean up the mess that tracked-up snow makes on the floors...having to wash the road-salt off the car. It’s just not worth it to me to be able to see the “beautiful snow falling, making everything white and pure.” Whatever. Snow is a menace.

This, of course, was not my mindset when I was young. I enjoyed the occasional snow-fall as much as anyone else: building snowmen, making snow-angels, snowball fights, (mom’s hot chocolate waiting for us when we got back inside!), bundling up with jackets/mittens/hats/scarves until walking in the snow became more like waddling. And of course sledding – that was the best part. At my dad’s house the property is bordered by trees, the front of the house is on a main road but there is a large amount of woods in the back (to tell the truth, I’m not even sure how far back it goes). On one side of the yard the ground slopes off into a hill that ends with a creek at the bottom. The slope was gradual enough to make it perfect for sledding – not steep enough to make steering through the trees (TOO) treacherous, and if you were in danger of coming too close to the creek there were places to pull off and avoid it. This wasn’t always fool-proof of course. There were a few instances here and there of the steering mechanism on the sled not working right (or, okay, user-error is possible), and we’d crash into a tree, or hit a bush or branch that was covered with snow. But it was never anything serious, nobody ever got hurt so the sledding would always continue.



posted by Zandria at 2:22 PM


w


PHOTO UPDATE

I added a few new photos to my Yahoo website. They can be found by clicking the link on the left side of this page, and they're in the "New Uploads" folder.



posted by Zandria at 9:24 AM


wMonday, January 27, 2003


MEMORIES

Are there certain things you come across in your everyday life that remind you of your childhood? I admit it's not something that I think about a lot, but every now and then I'll come across a memory and BANG! -- there it is. Most of the time for me it's with books. I was a BIG reader when I was young...I still am to a point, I still love to read, but I can't find the time to read five books a week like I did when I was little. Tonight my dad came to visit and brought a few bags of books with him that he'd been cleaning out of the house, some old ones, some newer. My sister was supposed to look through them and take out the ones that she thought Devin might like, but since she was gone at the time I got to them first. I looked through them and took out about 5-6 that held some significance to me, either I remembered reading them over and over when I was young or else they had been given to me by someone close in my life. (Inscriptions on the front cover and the date are always a good clue.) It was really cute to find an old Sesame Street book, for instance, with my name written in my mom's hand on the inside front cover, and the date of 1983. How can you find something like that and not want to keep it?



posted by Zandria at 11:14 PM


wSunday, January 26, 2003


THE SEARCH

Tonight when I got off work I wanted sushi. I’ve been craving it for the past few weeks, have looked around here and there, but I haven’t made too much of a concentrated effort. It’s harder to find on the east coast, in the west you can usually find it already prepared in clear plastic containers in grocery stores. That’s what I wanted, just something simple. But I was too hungry to traipse around to all different kinds of places, so I decided to try my luck at an Asian grocery store on Broad Street. My rationale was okay, sushi is made by Asians, this is an Asian grocery store, and a pretty large-sized one at that, so this seems like a pretty good bet.

So I was wrong. I go into "Tan-A Supermarket" (don’t ask me about the name, I have no idea), and of course I stick out like a sore thumb because there are ONLY Asians in the place. Undeterred, I go around to all the cooler cases and refrigerated sections with glass doors, anything that looks like it could be keeping sushi cold. (I’ll give it to this place, they have a really large selection of OTHER things, if I was ever going to cook an Asian meal I would definitely go back.) No sushi. And even though I stick out and pretty much look like I’m SEARCHING for something, none of the employees bother to ask if I need any help. I consider finding an employee on my own and asking, thinking I could just be missing it, but then I think of the possibility of them laughing behind my back: ("Tee-hee, silly little white girl coming in to our market and asking for ready-made sushi! What a riot!") Maybe Asians prefer to buy the ingredients and make their own? They WERE selling raw fish in display cases in the back of the store. So I left. And came home and made a sandwich...not quite the same. The search continues….



posted by Zandria at 11:13 PM


wSaturday, January 25, 2003


SHOULD WE MAYBE GET A CHOICE WITH SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT AS THE NAME WE LIVE WITH ALL OUR LIVES?

When I was cleaning some old papers out of my room today I came across a piece of cardboard from a Motel 6 where I stayed one night when I was driving back to Richmond last month. It was a card with the name of the girl who'd cleaned my room that day. I saved it because the girl's name tripped me out: the card was signed "Tequila Orange." Maybe it's just me, but do you think that the girl could possibly be using an alias?....or did Mr. & Mrs. Orange decide to name their daughter "Tequila" just for the hell of it? I should try that one day at work. That would be a riot. "Yes, thank for you calling. This is Caramel Bluebell, how can I help you?" "Yes, this is Cherry Champagne." "Jamaica Waterfall, at your service!" "Good afternoon, this is Godiva Appletree."



posted by Zandria at 11:41 PM


wFriday, January 24, 2003


COURT

Okay, that place I had to go earlier this morning in Buckingham? Yeah, it was court. For a speeding ticket. I got clocked going 67 in a 55mph zone. On Thanksgiving Day. I had my older sister in the front with me, and my two younger brothers and nephew in the backseat. We were coming from Richmond, and we were ONE mile from my dad’s house. (Yeah Elissa, you can deny it all you want, but I place the blame on HER for distracting me!) This is because I had my cruise control on the entire time, except for the last few miles before dad’s house because I happened to get stopped at one of the two stoplights in the entire county. So I was driving minus the cruise control to keep me at the proper speed for about three miles or so, and WHAM! Darn. Lights. Big bad state trooper. Big bad state trooper who was mad about having to work on Thanksgiving no less. Ticket. Come back on January 24th please. Thank you. Have a nice day. Yeah, whatever.

So all that explanation just to tell you about my court experience today. I think it’s almost inevitable NOT to have an interesting court experience with all the trashy-people/weirdos/delinquents clogging up our system today. I think the judges are so used to seeing “normal” people come in that they tend to be pretty lenient because they know what’s coming up NEXT.

So this one old guy, right? He was there about a DUI offense. Stooped, grizzled, wearing dirty jeans and an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a ratty t-shirt. The judge had to grant him a continuance because the guy was UNDER THE INFLUENCE. I don’t know whether the guy had admitted it up front or whether one of the cops maybe just happened to smell the alcohol on him or something. The judge sent him to spend the rest of the day and tonight in jail for punishment and told him to come back next Friday…SOBER. Yes please, that would be nice…the judge was like, yeah, sorry, but we can’t try your case if you’ve been drinking this morning. (Not in those exact words of course, but you can get the idea.)

Just one other example (there were more of course, but I’m trying not to linger TOO much on the stupidity/craziness of others). Another old-person example. This time a woman. And when I say “old” I do mean like age 60+, I’m not just saying old as in “over-the-hill-age-40-old” or anything like that. This woman was sitting directly in front of me: short, gray hair in the typical "old woman I don’t give a shit about my hair anymore so I need it to be short" style, wearing a brightly colored sweater and a PAIR OF GLASSES ON A CHAIN around her neck. Too much. And then get this: she’s reading some kind of paperback book and highlighting passages with a yellow highlighter. I can catch random titles on the pages when I’m bored and happen to glance over: “Religion,” “Death and Dying,” that kind of thing. So pretty much a sweet old woman (or so she appears on the surface). The only thing I could figure she’d be there for was something traffic-related (and I was correct, she went before me and it was for a speeding ticket – 77 in a 55mph zone!). All I kept thinking about when I’d look at her was picturing her in a video racing game (like Mario-Kart). Racing around. Passing people. Eyes wide open and gleeful smile plastered on her face. Screaming “OUT OF MY WAY!” with wild abandon. Then being pulled over and putting on her grandmotherly, demure “old = angel” look. I’m glad the cop wasn’t fooled.

I swear, I know all this stuff about what these people were charged with because this courtroom is just one big spectacle. If you’re ever bored and want to pass the time, this would be the place to go. Tons of people waiting their turn, but of course they’re listening to what’s going on at the front because it’s not a BIG room and what else is there to do really?

And in closing, can I just mention that since courthouses give everyone the same date/time to be in the building and know that a lot of people are going to be sitting awhile….could you maybe PAD THE BENCHES? All the benches – wooden. Just plain wood. Yes, that’s right. By the time I stood up when my name was called my back was sore and my butt was numb. Time passed before I was able to leave? Two and a half hours.

But at least I got driving school. It was all worth it.



posted by Zandria at 7:08 PM


w


ODE TO A COUNTRY SCHOOL BUS

Humbly you chug along
Picking up our nation’s children
For another day at school.

But what about when
You’re on a freakin’ one lane road
And nobody can pass you?


Bright, yellow, and oversized you are
But you need to be that way
To safely deliver the children to their destination.

Why don’t you pull over for God’s sake?
Let the people who have places to go
Actually get there on time.



-- This is dedicated to those people who were on the OTHER side of the road I was traveling on this morning, when I had to go to Buckingham County. THANK GOD I wasn’t behind that bus, I never would have gotten to where I was going on time. There were no less than FIFTY (maybe more, I didn’t count them!) cars behind the bus, on a road that only went one-way in each direction. I have never seen anything so crazy in my life, the line of cars that I passed stretched for at least half a mile or more.



posted by Zandria at 7:02 PM


wWednesday, January 22, 2003


LICENSE PLATE

License plate seen today: "PEFEXUN"

Do you ever stop and wonder about the people who choose to have those sayings that make you stop and look a second time? To me, there are very few license plates that warrant a second glance, but I'll catch some here and there. Personally it's hard for me to understand the type of person that's so comfortable with herself/herself as to put "PEFEXUN" on their car, but there's actually a lot of vanity license plates out there for those people who like to advertise how highly they think of themselves.



posted by Zandria at 11:44 PM


wSaturday, January 18, 2003


AN ORDINARY DAY

We all know what makes a day ordinary. We all know our routines, what we do in the mornings when we wake up (or for some people, when they wake up in the afternoon), what we have to take care of before we go off to school or work. What’s an ordinary day for me? Well, as of late it depends on the day. If it’s a "work-day" (which for the past 4+ years it’s been that way five days a week, this semester it’s finally changing to where I only work four days a week and school two days) then I know when I wake up I have to take a shower, blow-dry my hair, put on makeup, get dressed, prepare my lunch and snacks to eat throughout the day while I’m gone. Then I go to work, do what’s expected of me (talk to customers), take my breaks at the specified times, and go home. Eat dinner. Maybe watch the news, but I’m not much of a TV watcher anymore so I’m more likely to be reading or doing homework.

Where am I going with this? Maybe just the fact that when I think of the term "ordinary day" it kind of drives me crazy. Just to think of the term itself. Even though we have ordinary days all the time, maybe every day in a row for a week, or a month, or God help us – a year? That seems pretty hard to fathom but I’m sure it’s possible. I may be used to my ordinary days but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Wouldn’t it be awesome if everybody made a commitment to do at least one thing in a day to insure that it couldn’t be considered "ordinary?" Just think of the possibilities of having to force yourself to break out of the bounds of what you do every day. Maybe the commitment could be to do at least one thing nice/unexpected for another person every day – that definitely wouldn’t be ordinary, at least not for the majority of us (and yes, I also speak for myself in that respect!). Or it could be a personal quest, even something as simple as committing to learning at least one new piece of information every day.

So what would hold me back? Here’s where it gets tricky. The question, in my opinion, is would it even be possible? Some people dive into new projects wholeheartedly, all gung-ho in the beginning and then maybe they’ll forget for a few days…and then, well – that’s it. On one hand I can see me being that way, afraid that I’d start off with good intentions and then forgetting, or being in a bad mood and just not caring. But to me that would be the worst thing – lying in bed at the end of a long day and not caring that my day had been ordinary. It’s almost easier to keep on being ordinary and not strive to take that extra step…because then you can’t be disappointed in yourself if you don’t succeed. Which is better? How does that saying go (?), something along the lines of: "It’s better to have tried and failed then never to have tried at all."



posted by Zandria at 8:45 PM


wThursday, January 16, 2003


DAMN SNOW

I wrote an email to my friend Jen this morning, and received a response this afternoon. I happened to mention when I wrote her that it's calling for snow tonight (no longer "if" it's going to happen, but "how much are we going to get?"). Her response?

It's supposed to be 82 [in L.A.] today. :)

Need I say more?????



posted by Zandria at 5:11 PM


w


HUCK FINN

Last night in my American Literature class (time period from 1870-present) we went over the first few authors that we had the option of reading from the week before. One of these was Mark Twain and – of course – his most popular novel, “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” I’m re-reading it now, it wasn’t required but recommended, just to get the general feel of literature from that time period. It’s interesting to think about how drastically society and its ideals have changed in a period of just over 100 years. Back then most literature was written in the “genteel” way, because that’s how most people tried to act (or at least that’s how they liked to see themselves). Twain dared to break out of that mold and write a book, not in his own voice, but in the voice of the adventurous main character, even though Twain himself came from “genteel society” and made a good living with his writing. It was almost like Twain was living through Huck Finn, showing his readers what a different sort of life could be like out of the periphery of what was already familiar. Huckleberry Finn was truly free, if he wanted to do something then he just did it because – to quote my teacher: “he wanted to free himself from conventional oppression.” My teacher’s point was that sometimes what we THINK is civilized is actually oppression, and it’s not until down the road when we’re past that (like how people were 100 years ago) that you can look back and truly understand those people who dared to break the mold. At least it’s more acceptable today to go our own way, in fact it’s probably more likely to be encouraged than looked down on.



posted by Zandria at 5:04 PM


wTuesday, January 14, 2003


MATH....ewwwww

I have a tendency to want to stick with something until I understand it. This can be a good thing, other times I spend so much time on the subject that everything just becomes muddled. I realize this tendency of mine mostly when it comes to math. When I took Statistics in college last year I could spend a few hours trying to get all my homework done in one stretch. It was frustrating, I'd sit there and beat myself up about it when I couldn't figure something out, and mainly just succeed in giving myself a headache. Then I discovered that when I just walked away for a little while, a few hours or even the next day, for some reason the things that might not have been clear suddenly seemed easier to understand. Even now (when I know this is the best way to do things) I find myself trying to get things done in one stretch. Saturday afternoon I spent three hours on math homework, trying to catch myself up on basic algebra principles that my Pre-Cal teacher this semester is skipping (because of course we should "already know it", but I haven't done algebra since high school). This afternoon before class I opened the books again, finished most of the assigned homework except for a few things that I still needed clarified, and then of course thought: "Why do I keep forgetting that math isn't meant to be done all at once?" At least this is the way it is with me.



posted by Zandria at 8:13 PM


wSunday, January 12, 2003


WEB PICKS: GENIUS MP3, TREE LOVER, JOE MILLIONAIRE, A "NEW" NEW YEARS' RESOLUTION, "A BETTER WAY TO EAT"

Oh wow: the new genius of MP3 software. Mark Morford named this column “Fear Me, Wicked Record Execs.” So now there’s this new software where you can listen to those streaming, continuous-play radio stations and it will automatically create an MP3 for EACH song. Then you can go back later and delete the songs you don’t want, and save the ones you do, for playback either on your computer or to burn on a CD. Pretty neat.

I don’t think this got as much coverage here on the east coast, but when I was living in L.A. County this guy was on the news almost every day. He was trying to keep from having this 400-year-old tree cut down for the planned widening of a road, so he’s been LIVING in the tree since November 1st. His battle has now come to an end, the people he was fighting against were successful in getting him evicted from the tree a few days ago.

I don’t think there’s a very high possibility that I’ll watch an episode of that new so-called reality show “Joe Millionaire,” but for those girls I know (you know who you are!), here’s an excerpt from an interview with the star of the show and a Newsweek reporter.

This is something I found earlier this month from a reporter for USAToday. Could this possibly be the best New Year’s resolution I’ve heard of so far? You decide.

Newsweek's cover this week proclaims "A Better Way To Eat." The old food pyramid? In their opinion, highly flawed and in need of a major rehaul. A group from Harvard accepted this undertaking and this article details their findings.



posted by Zandria at 10:41 AM


wSaturday, January 11, 2003


"GOING GOTH" AT WAL-MART

What is it with me and weird things happening at Wal-Mart? I got up early this morning so I arrived at the store around 9:15, and filled my cart pretty quickly with what I needed. I’m almost out of the store (with nothing strange happening), and I get in the line of this guy with long, dyed black hair and a nose ring. Hey – it was the shortest line. What else was I supposed to do? While he was scanning my purchases, a manager tapped him on the shoulder to let him know about some special kind of cheese that would have to have a specific code that day.

He nodded in affirmation and the manager left, then he looked at me and said: "Boy, that was close. I thought that manager was coming to talk to me for another reason. I’m never here. I hardly ever come to work when I’m supposed to."

Me (being polite, I smile): "Oh really?"

Goth-boy: "Oh yeah. You see, I still live at home with my mom so I don’t really need to work."

Me (thinking to myself, SLACKER….): "I guess you’re right."

Goth-boy: "And I’m only 19. I just come to work when I want to. I’m surprised they haven’t fired me yet."

Me (thinking to myself, WELL I’M SURE YOU DON’T HAVE MUCH LONGER).

So then the last item that he rings up is this plastic bag that I filled up in the produce department with three heads of broccoli. It was supposed to be $0.98 a pound, and I think I probably had a couple of pounds worth. But apparently they don’t have a code for the broccoli or they have to do something special, because I remember the last time I was there the female cashier had to ask a manager about what to do in order to get the right price. When Goth-boy tried to weigh it and the price just came back invalid (like unrecognized code), he typed in "Veggie" as the product name and manually typed in the price as $0.40. Yes, that would have to rate as the cheapest broccoli I’ve ever bought before in a grocery store.

Goth-boy (in explanation): "When the price for this doesn’t come up right I don’t bother to call a manager. I just punch in $0.40 or $0.50, whichever I feel like. I figure if they wanted to get the right price then they’d fix the computer."

Me (smiling a more genuine-smile now that I’ve gotten something more worthwhile from this experience than just an entry for my weblog): "Sounds good to me!"



posted by Zandria at 7:43 PM


wThursday, January 09, 2003


LIBERTY

On my way to Wal-Mart this afternoon I passed a woman standing on the sidewalk. She was waving to the passing traffic. She also happened to be dressed up as Lady Liberty. This included a long, shiny green robe, crown, and torch. (She also happened to be Hispanic, but I’m going to leave that alone. I mean, we’re all Americans right?) I was confused – what is the purpose of this?, I wondered. Then I noticed that she was standing in front of a business with "Liberty" in the name, Liberty Insurance or Liberty Mortgage, something like that. So that explained the getup. But does seeing a woman dressed like Lady Liberty make me want to visit that particular business, because they pay someone to stand on the sidewalk and wave? What a surprise to hear me answer – um…no.



posted by Zandria at 10:29 PM


w


YUCK

Cafeterias stink. At least to me. I’m sure that taken one food at a time, one smell at a time, it would be fine. But I was walking through a building today whose cafeteria is on the bottom floor as I was exiting, and I was just reminded of how revolting the smell can be. A mixture of too many things I suppose. Yuck.



posted by Zandria at 5:07 PM


wTuesday, January 07, 2003


Wa-KO-via

I understand that some words are hard to pronounce. And some people are better at figuring out those words than others. But don’t you think if an institution as important as your bank was changing its name, you might take the time to find out how to correctly pronounce that new name? First Union, a large bank, bought out Wachovia, and both banks are becoming Wachovia. People, it’s pronounced Wa-KO-via, not Wa-CHO-via. Now you know. They say it wrong, I say it the right way during the course of the call (not correcting them, just throwing it in at some point), and it’s like it still doesn’t sink in. Pay attention! It’s not that hard!



posted by Zandria at 11:49 PM


wMonday, January 06, 2003


"PIGSASS"

When you deal with a lot of customer’s personal codewords at work, you tend to become a bit jaded with what people choose to use as those codewords. "Bigdaddy? Okay, got it." "Sexymama? Sure thing." "Okay sir, let me repeat that back to you to make sure I’ve spelled that correctly: l-a-t-i-n-o-l-o-v-i-n?"

So today, on a busy-busy Monday, I get this older gentleman on the phone in the afternoon. He was having a problem logging in to his account and wasn’t sure of what his codeword was, so I asked him if he knew of any possibilities I could try to type in to our system and see if it matched, before I went through the longer process of verifying information and getting it completely reset. "Oh I don’t know, maybe PIGSASS?" he said.

So I type it in, thinking to myself, hmmm even though I’m jaded with this codeword-thing that IS a strange one to have. When the system comes back saying the codeword doesn’t match, I report "I’m sorry sir, that doesn’t match with what we have."

He’s silent for a moment. "I was KIDDING."

It’s my turn to be silent. Then I just couldn’t help it, I started laughing. Now when I think back on it I guess he was being sarcastic when he said "pigsass," but what if that HAD been his codeword and I’d said something like "Um…yeah. Sure. What is it really?" And then it HAD been correct? You can just never be sure. It was a nice comedic break for me though, it was nice to have an actual REAL laugh. I get tired sometimes of having to do that polite laugh all the time: "Oh yes, umm-hmm, well how silly!…Yes, yes, sure…Why, you don’t say?"



posted by Zandria at 9:57 PM


w


"FAMILY PORTRAIT"

I remembered something the other day when I was flipping through the channels and happened to catch that music video by Pink, called "Family Portrait," on MTV. For those who haven't seen it, the video portrays Pink as both her normal self singing and also a young actress who plays "young Pink." The little girl lip-syncs to Pink's regular grown-up voice and she's actually pretty good, at some parts she makes convincing facial expressions to go along with the mood, or cries, or acts joyously happy, and you can tell she's a good actress.

The reason I mention this is because that girl in the video is the best friend of my cousin-by-marriage, my Uncle Jeff's niece that I met while I was in California. I was visiting their house the day the video premiered on TRL, and the girl in the video had left a message on their answering machine earlier in the day ("Hey everybody! Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be on TRL today in a Pink video so make sure you watch it! Okay bye!"). I only caught the 10-second or so preview clip of the video before we left that day, so it wasn't until I was watching MTV in a hotel room on my way back to Virginia last month that I saw the entire thing.



posted by Zandria at 6:07 PM


wSunday, January 05, 2003


IMPRESSIONS

Yesterday I spent a good part of my Saturday off work in a hair salon -- over four hours. It wasn't so bad, it would have been better if Devin (my 5-year-old nephew) wasn't there because we were there so long he started getting restless -- first he was hungry, then asking when we were going to leave, if I could drive him somewhere and come back and get my sister later -- you know, the normal kid stuff. My particular cut only took about 20 minutes but I was there with my sister while she was getting a cut AND color, which I know from previous experience normally takes a few extra hours so I went along knowing that I would be there for a while.

The reason I didn't mind waiting so long was because our friend Jeremy works at the salon and he was the one doing our hair, we've known him since Jeremy and I were in high school together back in 1996. He's still perfecting his hair-coloring skills so it takes him a little longer than it would someone else, but he's a fabulous hair stylist. He started out working as an apprentice about 4-5 years ago, so going from there to where he is now I've been able to see not only his skill level rise but also his confidence. He started out cutting my hair with his first salon owner hovering behind, there to answer any questions or offer helpful hints, or to stop him if he saw something awful about to happen I suppose. I can go to Jeremy now and not even have to explain in detail what I want, other than "keep the length" and "lots of layers", and I have absolute trust that I will love the way it turns out. It's nice to have confidence in someone's abilities like that. If anyone in the Richmond area wants to experience a "fabulous Jeremy haircut" (as I like to call it!) for themselves, he can be found at Impressions on Stony Point Rd, phone number 804-323-3133...tell him that Zan sent you.



posted by Zandria at 11:32 AM


wWednesday, January 01, 2003


THOUGHTS ON THE BEGINNING OF 2003

What was up with the huge "DISCOVER" sign at the bottom level when the ball was lowered in Times Square last night? How much money does a company have to contribute in order to gain such a prominent advertising space? That’s what I want to know. I’m a Discover card holder, and I understand that every endeavor has a sponsor, but that just seemed particularly tacky to me last night for some reason. Just let the damn ball drop and the revelers do their reveling and the fireworks light up the sky and the beer bottles tip back and be consumed (over...and over...and over...) and the kisses and the hugs and the "Happy New Years!" and tears and laughter and good wishes and sadness and joy and despair and hope for the future and what it will possibly bring.

The future can only offer as much as the effort we’re willing to put forward (minus the inevitable of course, things beyond our control like sickness and death). I’m talking about change. Bettering ourselves, enriching our minds, gaining new skills. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic. Maybe deciding to go to an ethnic restaurant and try a food that you’d normally turn your nose up at – and possibly even enjoying it. Reading a book based on a real person or event and learning something you didn’t already know – rather than a paperback romance or fashion magazine. If I have any personal resolutions for 2003, that’s what it is – not to start a good habit or stop a bad one (though that’s certainly not a bad idea and I applaud those people who are successful and don’t have to make the same resolution every year) – but just to take advantage of new opportunities that may come my way. And also seek them out when I can.

Not everything falls in your lap. You have to make things happen. I think that’s one thing that I’ve realized this year. I can’t put off school forever just because I haven’t decided what I want to do with the rest of my life. How will I ever gain the insight to know what that "something" is if I don’t get the life experience in the meantime? I don’t like to be fearful of new situations, but I know the only way to get past that is to force myself to do it. And then it’s over with and behind me and maybe I know just a little bit more than I did before I started. I was reading a magazine today and in an interview with Queen Latifah she said that when she’s in a situation where she’s ready to give up, she repeats to herself "I’m stronger than I think." Even with something as simple as running on a treadmill...you’re tired and you don’t know how much longer you can keep running. "I’m stronger than I think." A breakup that leaves you devastated or maybe thinking that you’re worth less than you are. "I’m stronger than I think."

I’m stronger than I think. I’m stronger than I think. I’m stronger than I think.



posted by Zandria at 9:18 PM


w


It was such a nice day this morning when I was driving to work. Rainy, yes. Overcast? Check. But there was hardly anyone on the road, and the temperature was warm (or at least it was comfortable only wearing a light coat), it was very peaceful. It was slow enough at work when I first got there that I could enjoy my breakfast (oatmeal), until it decided to get busy and stay that way. Shouldn’t these people think we’d be closed on New Year’s Day? Some people would get on the phone and be like, "Oh I didn’t think you guys would even be open." Yeah? Well then, why did you even call? Tomorrow, after all, is just another day, just as good as this one.

But it was okay. When I had to get the foreign guy to repeat his email address to me letter-by-letter because he talked so fast and his accent was so thick that everything just ran together ("Okay sir, let me just repeat that back to you now: H-as-in-Henry, A-as-in-apple, B-as-in-boy, I-as-in-igloo, B-as-in-boy…" – names of course have been changed to protect the English challenged). When I had about three Quicken connectivity-issue calls in a row, lasting at least 15 minutes each – but all of them turned out successful in the end, and everyone was nice…they all thanked me and wished me a happy 2003. Of course they wouldn’t have been quite as friendly if maybe I didn’t know what I was doing (some of the time anyway!), but luckily that didn’t happen very much today. When I started to feel overwhelmed I would just repeat over and over in my head: "I’m getting paid good money to be here today. Only five more hours to go. I’m getting paid good money to be here today. Only three more hours to go." It helped. I’ve kind of found that things don’t seem as unbearable if you decide in your head that you’re not going to let it affect you that way. It does take a conscience effort sometimes, but that’s okay – better that then slowly driven crazy.



posted by Zandria at 9:15 PM